Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Perhaps I'm looking too much into it

It's been a while since I last blogged (this opener is really getting old). Last night, I had a dream which was sort of emotional. And during the duration of the dream, it felt pleasant then ended up unpleasant. I thought it was a wonderful dream when I was still inside. But when I woke up and thought about the meanings and it was really horrible. To the point that it left me all semi-silent the whole day.

I dreamt about spending Christmas with my family. And when I say family, I mean mum, DAD, sisters and relatives. Why put dad in big letters? My dad passed away 5 years ago (6 if you want to include August of this year). I cannot remember spending Christmas with him 'cause he was busy with work or with his other family. He only came home every after 2 months and only stays for 3 days. We might've spent Christmas together but probably rarely. I'm pretty sure I can't remember a time though. Moving on.

So we spent time together but he had to leave early. I don't know why. I just know that I was really happy and was moved to tears when he was about to leave. I remember muttering something like "oh so he really wasn't dead. he's still alive 'cause we got to spend christmas together." He got onto the car and started driving (and this is where it gets creepy), but the gates weren't opened yet and he just drove THROUGH it like a ghost.

And so, there I was, looking at our window, all poker faced, thinking that HE WAS REALLY dead and we only spent christmas with his ghost. But somehow I concluded that he "got out of his way and asked God if he could spend time with us on this special day." I don't know where that came from but it was legit back in my dream. Mum gives us each our presents.

Then a few hours later, he came back. He said he went to England to spend time with his family there. And he returned with my cousin from his brother. Mum was in the room and I was in the living room trying to make sense out of what dad was doing. I asked him why he brought my cousin (by the way, this cousin is around 30+ and I'm just 19) and he said that they were in a relationship and I was really shocked. He told me to ask mum to sleep in another room 'cause he was gonna use their room to sleep with my cousin. I was really mad 'cause he was gone for 5 years and he returns with my cousin and shoos my mum away.

I went inside and told my mum and she was really sad about this. I went out and saw that dad and my cousin where at the living room and I sat beside the cousin. I asked her if she really was in a relationship with my dad and she confirmed. But then I said something like "but he's dead. that's his ghost! and isn't he YOUR dad?"

I realised this wasn't my dad but my uncle. You see, they really look and sound alike. So even in a dream it's quite difficult to see the difference. Then I woke up. At first, I was all nonchalant. But then I remembered the part where I said "he's dead! isn't he your dad?"

I thought of the most horrible thing that I could possibly think of about a family member. I sure hope uncle is okay and healthy. And yes, I still dream about my father. Even though it's been almost 6 years already :(

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